I know–I know what you’re thinking. This post is about why I don’t talk about childhood cancer…but I have to talk about it to tell you that. Kind of weird, right? But I truly don’t talk about it that often, but I’ve been thinking that maybe I should explain why.
If you know me or are my facebook friend–you probably know that my daughter was diagnosed with an aggressive form of childhood cancer in 2016. I’m not going to go into detail about it, but our lives were ruined. There’s no other way to say it or sugar coat it. Yes there are still good days, but having a child this ill f*cking sucks.
I know many moms/dads of sick children set up a facebook page for their child and they find comfort in that. They keep people up to date with their childs progress and maybe it makes them just feel better about the whole situation knowing that there are people thinking about them. I don’t know why they do it, so I won’t speak for them. I can only speak for myself when I say I that I don’t have a facebook page for my daughter because I don’t want cancer to become her identity.
When I look at her, I don’t see a kid that is sick. Yes, I know she is and I’m not in denial, but to me she is the same old kid she was before. She is still spunky and sassy and will throw out a sarcastic remark whenever she can. She’s smart, funny, loves animals and likes to boss around her brothers (especially her younger brother, who she calls her “henchman”). I can go on and on forever. I love her more than anything.
But I don’t want to give cancer anymore power. It already has taken over our lives by taking away big things as well as little things. I don’t like to think about the unfairness of it all because it is just too depressing–but it really has. Cancer is a thief of almost all things. So when I see other cancer moms post pictures of their kids that are in the hospital or otherwise at their worst–I just don’t get it. Why let cancer overtake your child’s identity like that? I will never post a hospital pic. (I don’t take hospital pics). I only post pictures of her when she is feeling good. When she is happy. When she is home. That is who my daughter is. That is her true identity. This whole cancer thing is not who she is. Hell, I don’t even tell people her diagnosis because I don’t want to give it anymore power. There is no such thing as a “good cancer” so I don’t bother with acknowledging her diagnosis publicly. I never want people to see her and think “oh that’s the cancer kid.” That is heartbreaking to me. She is so much more than that.
Thanks for reading. I hope this post doesn’t sound too angry or judgmental or anything. I just wanted to explain why I’m so quiet about most things.